THE WRITER MUST EAT -> patreon.com/trn1ty <- | \ | | blah! |\ | `\|\ | the rantings and ravings |/ |(_|| | * of a depraved lunatic <^> 2024-04-18 First doctor's appointment since 2022 or so, which doesn't seem like a long time in numbers but feels like a world ago. Last time I had a doctor's appointment Usagi covered kitchen for me and I left [...] at noon and walked up Pine Street to the brick and sunshine and sterile interiors to go to the pediatrician, who was a nurse practitioner (is that how you spell that?) filling in for Jonathan who had seen me the previous dozen or so years, which means a lot more when you're 18. This time [...] and [...] are probably in the kitchen and I'm in a college hospital in a city - was - and got my shit checked out by a nurse, college student, and nurse practicioner (is that how you spell that?). My friends really want me to see a therapist. So did the nurse practishuhner - [...] kept me honest when filling out the mental health forms and apparently they did not indicate such a hot pink sparkly life as I lead. They were also more concerned about my chronic short- and long-term memory loss than I am, and recommended Aquaphor for the thing happening on my foot. I got prescribed patches for estrogen because I want my tits to get even bigger (they are pretty big right now, and would be described so even on a cis woman) and because I forget the sublingual tablets fairly often. I also feel worried about brushing my teeth after holding them under my tongue and never remember to do so before- hand. I've never been that great at remembering to brush my teeth. I was blah-bbing around when I had my last doctor's appointment. Goodness. Before today the last time I had any pizza was February 2023 I think, and I think I had Domino's with [...] and [...] in [...]'s room. When I look back it all seems so flat, like it happened so fast. But at the time I was amazed at how slowly time moved. Now time races by me. I saw Good Will Hunting today. Cool to hear Elliot Smith (is that who that was?) in the flick. It made me miss Maine less. The South Boston slums look a lot like Lewiston. Today a lot of the Coloradan doctors were surprised I came from Maine. I have a Mehnn accint, jus'sligh'ly, baht it prahbahbly sahnds like a New Englund accent to the untrained ear. Got a ton of labs done. Estrogen, testosterone, blood sugar, other shit I forgot to read. They laid me down so I didn't pass out like that other time where I came to thinking I was in Five Nights at Freddy's. I accidentally fasted for it because I was on a low-carb diet and didn't know what to eat and so had nothing to eat - I quit, today, at Marco's when we got two large pizzas and three free fountain drinks and I drank a Dr. Pepper, a Mug root beer, and a half-and-half of both just to see what it would taste like. The nurse practishinner really wanted me to take a psyche eval. I said I was probably fine and probably wasn't depressed or anxious. [...] gave them a funny look while I said it. Last night I said some things to my friends that felt mean, and I wish I didn't. They said it seemed pretty normal to them which is what feels especially bad. For the first time in a good while I don't have any particular urge to get high. My blood pressure was good, weight is 192lbs, height is 72.5in with sandals on. My Maine state ID issued 2022-09-19 said my weight was 215lbs so that's 20lbs in 1.5 years. Maybe in five years I'll feel comfortable going to the beach. The only time I've ever felt comfortable in the water is when [...] and I went skinny dipping at night in Winthrop. Boston is to New England what Colorado Springs is to Colorado. But Denver has more notable adjacent towns like Aurora; Boston has Worcester (with the world's shittiest Burger King) and Reading (with the world's biggest pricks). I'm not sure what Colorado Springs has near it. I wonder if I have any STDs or STIs or diabetes or anything. I'm scared shitless of HIV or diabetes. I was roommates with a guy with HIV and he was cool and took his precautions and had no problem talking about what it was like with me, though society is unkind to those who are HIV+ and he wouldn't talk about it with just anyone. And plenty of people have diabetes and ration insulin and die so I guess I have that to look forward to if that happens. But these lifelong illnesses aren't death sentences anymore, especially for people with Medicaid, so I'll be alright either way hopefully. Diana was right - give your HIV+ friend a hug. Can you believe I can write all this shit and can't get myself to work on the book I'm writing? <^> No rights reserved, all rights exercised, rights turned to lefts, left in this corner of the web.