THE WRITER MUST EAT -> patreon.com/trn1ty <- blah! ideas with no tangibility; ideas with irrelevant supports; ideas without value; ideas' witlessness; ideas' witnesses; ideas- <^>
2023-02-01 What I had for breakfast today: A strawberry Oreo milkshake. Half a cigarette. What I had for supper today: Chicken nuggets and a burger. The other half. What I'm drinking: Vermont maple spice tea. And Dayquil. Now playing: Painkiller - Nothing But Thieves. Jason walked up the cloud to the pearl gates of Heaven. God stood at the door in front of a lecturn with a massive book. He (as in He) spoke first: "Name?" Jason paused. "Oh. I died there, didn't I?" God curled His lips into a frown. "Did you think you would live?" "No, I guess I knew I would probably die." "Was it worth it?" "Yeah, I guess. It was what needed to be done. I wish I didn't have to die that way, but I suppose that's how it is." God thumbed through the pages. "At what day did you leave?" Jason told Him. God found the day. "Hmm. That's interesting." "I don't know much about this religious stuff. Honestly I thought it wasn't for real. But didn't you write that book?" "Do you remember everything you've written?" "Well, no." "Exactly. I forgot about this section. And to be honest-" God winked at you "-I'm probably as much of a character as you are, Jason." "Why did you ask me my name if you knew it?" "You're the only one that dies like... that. That day. I'd say you're the worst death there." "Fucked with an angle grinder." "Yeah, fucked with an angle grinder." "I was hoping if You existed You'd come through for me there. Like a 'deus ex machina' sort of thing, y'know? Maybe I didn't have enough faith." God looked into the distance behind Jason. "Honestly, I wasn't really listening that day." "No fucking shit! At least everyone else made it out okay because of me, right? It was an honourable death?" God looked back into the book at the next couple pages. "Hmm. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty honourable." "That's good." Jason leaned on the other end of the podium. "Can- can I see Jane?" "Jane? There are a lot of Janes." "My wife. She made it here, right? Oh, wait - can I get in? Into Heaven?" "Yeah, sure, you've earned it. But your wife isn't here. Or in the other place. Your wife's on Earth." "What? No." "Yeah. Jane used the cash she'd been slowly building up to buy a plane ticket to Kazakhstan and retire." "Fuck." "Yeah." "Really?" "Yeah." "Fuck." "Well, you'll have a lot of time for relationship stuff up here, so, like, have fun with that." "Fuck me, man." The gates open and Jason started walking through before pausing. "Y'know, times were hard." "Yes, yes they were." "Like, really hard. I don't think I was ever really happy, y'know? I never got anything like that. The best I got was a fucking character arc like this is a comic book or something. That kind of felt unnecessary, y'know? The whole fucking me over again and again? I don't think I needed that." "Perhaps." "Per fucking haps. Y'know what? Where were you? Why did you write me like that? My life has been fucking torture. Why did you do that to me?" God kicked Jason and he fell over past the gate threshold. The door to Heaven slammed shut, and God locked it. [...]: Welcome to Hell. Trin: Great to be here. <^>
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